Report of Political Discourse 2nd Bulletin
February 4th, 2022. Ice covers everything, 1/8th inch thick. A so called Cold Snap Vortex, never before happened, since 2019. I drive into Lenox and walk into Lenox coffee and order 3 drinks and 3 pastries. While the barista is running the steam powered coffee extractor, I use the bathroom to wash my hands, which are dirty from scraping ice off my car. A small amount of blood, about 2 milliliters, has been smeared on my finger, the one between my middle and pinkie, on my right hand. The barista was a little disturbed by the possibilities for disease vectors, I can see it in her face. This is a young woman, but a different one then yesterday. She has more fat on her body.
When I come out I ask her, "Oh, excuse me, I have a question. I'm from Oregon so I don't know the protocalls in Massachussetts. Is the mask required in the bathroom, when I'm alone? I was wearing my mask but I'm just wondering if people can take their mask off in there?"
She thinks for a moments, looks me in the eyes, and says, "I actually don't care at all what you do in there."
I say, "Ah, so you don't need to wear your mask in the bathroom when you are alone?"
She says, "No."
I say, "Ok. How about eating, is that allowed?" I say it in a tone of sarcasm and as a punchline, she smiles and laughs. She gets it. I'm a goody two shoes from Portlandia and I'm compliant and chill, close to perfection.
She says, "You can eat in there, yeah, whatever..."
I say, "Really? Whatever I want? Like, anything at all?" My sarcasm has now turned to sexual innuendo. I am implying I might masturbate in the bathroom, a common problem in Portland, where homeless men looking for releif are instead vectors of STD's and other filthy pathogens.
I'm excited for my drinks, I drive home, and share them with my family.